Paranoia Hides In Every Corner
by HeroineCruor
Summary: Olimar and Louie's real story through Pikmin 2. This is a retardfic. I banged my head on the keyboard for 3 weeks and this was the result. No real plot. Rated T for swearing, references and EXTREME RANDOMNESS!


**Amie: This is a part of my DeviantART series: "KeyBoard Headbanging". This is episode 2.**

**Aylee: I think this is the longest story you have ever written in one shot.**

**Amie: Yes, and I'm proud.**

**Aylee: Note that this girl isn't being serious. She wrote this for her own entertainment and others.**

**Amie: That's right! So I'm not actually retarded...or am I?**

**Aylee: *blank stare* Aghh, just enjoy, will ya?**

* * *

"Hi, my name is Pik-achu! *ba-dum-pssh* Geddit? Geddit? Anyone? No? FUGGYA!" The yellow pikmin started as introduction. He coughed. "HEEHUM. Excuse me, really. I had a fight with my mom yesterday and I…" "Dude, get back on track, will ya!" A blue pikmin behind the camera yelled in a whisper. The Yellow pikmin tried to smile at the camera, but since he's an ordinary pikmin that just stares blankly he couldn't afford one. "Aside the intro, my name is Picky." He started. A pikmin in the crowd whispered.

"How original…"

"Alright, ALRIGHT WHO SAID THAT?! WHO DAFUQ SAID THAT!" Picky yelled.

The culprit raised a hand that looked like a stick.

"I did. U mad, bro?"

"WELL GUESS WHAT I AM! GET YOUR ASS OUTTA HERE!11" Picky screamed while jumping up and down like a golldamn simpleton. The red pikmin, whose name was Pikfart moreover, stood up and raised a stick (I'll stay that instead of hand from now on ok!), trying to clutch it into a fist but because of his damn creation he couldn't! "N-effing-O!" He replied. Picky was so mad that chili smoke (what the heck is the name of that stuff!) puffed out of his ears and he magically got a mouth so he grit his teeth in anger and magically could change expression but he couldn't earlier but he can now because he's too mad to care about logic!

"DON'TMAKEMEBREAKMYFOOTUPYOURASS!" He said so loudly that the President in Hocotate, who ate spaghetti, could hear him. "Whuh?" The President mumbled with his mouth full of spaghetti.

"Well I'm gonna show you a thing or two. Or three! Four! Vassilions!" Picky exclaimed charging toward Pikfart.

*STAND BY*

The rest of the clip is censored due to the safety of appropiate material.

*BACK ON CAMERA (crazy frog jingle plays)*

Picky had kicked Pikfart's ass so hard that he had go to see a doctor but he couldn't walk so Picky had to carry him bridal style to the stretcher but he didn't put him on it he threw him on it as if he was a lifeless doll because Picky was still so mad! Pikfart randomly got a Fluttershy plushie he held to himself as he was being carried away. Picky went back to his errands, being awesome in front of the camera (in his book).

"I'm so sorry about my behavior! Anyway screw this I'll start the first game for tonight!" Picky stared at the crowd. "But it's just news…" a little white pikmin faded out in voice. "SHUT THE SNAIL UP! I choose what to do, and you're here for the news, why?" Picky twitched an eye while staring at a white pikmin that had made that INAPPROPIATE statement, mind you.

"Uhh, because this fanfic makes no sense?"

"You got it, bro! Now sit there and obey me or die!" The white pikmin sank into his seat quietly, scared. Picky rubbed his sticks together as the talking went on. "So, first, does anyone know where we are?" He scanned every pikmin by detail. All he received was blank stares. 'Am I the only one that is awesome here?' he angrily thought and looked a little like Jojo's portrait from "Rocket Robot On Wheels" (most underrated N64 game in history!) He looked like a stupid elephant.

"Ya'll got dental anesthesia in the face, that's a given! We're outside Captain Olimar's house!" He scolded like children yelling at their teacher…or…no, it was…well…..fuck it!

A female purple pikmin raised a stick and Picky nodded at her. "Spit it out!" "Well…how exactly did we get here?" She asked skeptically. However, Picky paid no attention to whatever she said and instead backed off in disgust (or fear). "You're fatter than Hocotate Freight's wallet! How many meatballs have you eaten?" As a surprise to everyone, so much that everyone gasped, she replied. "Approximately 518. Why ask? Oh you just said that…screw it just answer my questions we're asking the questions here now, Patrick!"

"Hey, my name isn't Patrick!" Picky shot up his imaginable fists but he would never be able to take her down because she was so fat she could crush him like an ant like Ms. Piggy would! DA-DA-DA-DAAAAAAAAAAA…

"In my world it is! Now shut up! Oh wait, you can't, you must answer my question but…" It turned out this female was really stupid, and Picky thought her name must be too. So he all of a sudden had a notepad, pencil, detective hat and a pipe but he couldn't put it in his mouth because it fell out! And this pissed…him…off…but he calmed down quickly.

"What's your name?" He put a Watson hat on the nearest pikmin that logicfuckingly did the rock'n'roll sign with his sticks. The female pikmin monotonously told him. "Ditzy Doo." "That's a nice name…hey WHAT?!" He gaped in shock. "Is that so…hmm…" He wrote in his notepad. 'Note to oneself: Ditzy Doo is a very unoriginal name.' "No, you dumbshit!" the purple pikmin smiled hollow. "My name is Klutzy!" Then she felt like jumping on him and did that so he was almost crushed underneath. "Help! Holy birds! HELP ME!" A few of the other pikmin dismissed the group and pushed Klutzy off. Her fat belly bounced as she fell down, right on his hat that had fallen off. Before they knew it they all felt the horrible odor and she ran off. Picky slowly stood up and stared at the creation. He gaped like a stupid hobo and kneeled beside what she had done. Suddenly he looked a bit like Ed from Fullmetal Alchemist when he was pissed and screamed. _"SHE SHAT ON MY HAT!" _Picky cried electricity, because crying water would kill him! A few pikmin giggled and then they started to laugh. Picky got mad and turned around. 'DO-DO-DOOOOOOOOOOO!' it sounded when he turned around. He looked so scary and pissed and he gritted his teeth while blood ran down his chin. His pupils were small points. He looked very silly. Then out of nowhere he received a revolver and shot every each of them. "Die, you dumb simpletons!" He spoke in British accent because they sound so smexy when they talk.

After killing everyone, except the camera pikmin and Klutzy who hid behind the camera, Picky sat down on one of the bodies. He pouted with his mouth and poked with a pencil tip on his chin. He looked a bit like Detective Conan. "I got it! Ohohohohohohohoooo!" He snickered. "I'm gonna write a poem about this event, and insult Olimar on TV! Damn, sometimes you gotta be smart!" He jumped off the body and started off to write the poem. It took him 3 hours while the camera pikmin (who's name was Cam beeteedoubleyou) and Klutzy were snoring on the ground. "I did it!" Picky screamed. "Here's my poem everyone's gonna blind themselves with after reading it because it's so beautiful and passes by far knockdown perfection and profession!" Cam and Klutzy went over to read it. Picky smiled cockily. "Take the honor of being the first pikmin of the pikmin race who will read such epiphany on simple white papers! Be the first ones to devour the excellence written by a simple pikmin that has taken another step for the pikmin race to reach a far smarter level than the dumb Hocotatians! Be the…" "Save it, Shakespeare! Give it to us!" Picky frowned angrily, threw it into Cam's face and sat down on the same body. Cam and Klutzy started to read it.

_I thought I was trapped_

_I thought I was kidnapped_

_But I saw it wasn't that way_

_Because my day started really gay!_

_You ask if I mean good or bad?_

_Glad or sad?_

_Shut it, I mean both!_

_I say this as an optimist and as a goth!_

_We came to film in Hocotate_

_Together with my mates_

_They were all stupid goons_

_They were all pathetic buffons!_

_Especially Pikfart_

_It must suck to have a name ending with fart!_

_But that's right because he stinks_

_I bet it's stupid the way he thinks_

_I kicked his ass_

_His moan in pain sounded like a bass_

_But he's got what he deserved_

_There was his dinner served_

_Still I came to see the best in them_

_As if I found a beautiful gem_

_See my friend Ditzy_

_Or no, her name was Klutzy_

_She sat on my hat_

_And took a shat_

_It smelled like cat piss_

_Her I wanted to diss!_

_But this led me to do something sane_

_And that was being insane_

_I killed off all the bastards_

_They never learned to avoid hazards_

_Then I wrote this piece_

_To prove I still believe in world peace!_

_Now I plan to ruin for Olimar_

_What should I do, run him over with a car?_

_No I should not_

_It's like smoking pot_

_I'll just destroy his house_

_Because he and his family are a bunch of cows_

_This will be enough to complete my life by whole_

_And what I will ruin most is his soul!_

"Like it or die!" Picky had a chainsaw and was ready to kill them off too. Klutzy was very stupid so she stated the truth. "It sucked ass! And you mentioned me in this piece of crap…" Cam shut her mouth from preventing her saying anymore. Picky twitched his eye and mouth corner before running toward her like Link from Legend of Zelda. Drool rolled down his chin. "LIKE IT, DAMN YOU! MOTHERBEEPERS!" Screamed Picky. Klutzy however was so fat that she just jumped on him again and crushed his chainsaw in the process. He struggled underneath and Klutzy sat there while grinning. Cam did a victory dance. "Way to go, Klutzy!" He squeaked happily.

Picky was panic-struck and screeched. "Please let me out, I promise I wont kill you! Pinkie swear!" Suddenly Pinkie Pie came and squinted her eyes at him before trotting off. They all stared at where she had stood. "WHO THE HELL WAS THAT!" Cam screamed like a little girl who had just got a Barbie doll for present. "Hump that! Now let's read this piece of shit-bacon and yaddahalladoodoo this work!" "FUCK OK!" Cam and Klutzy yelled preparing the camera, while Picky began practicing on his speech. But Cam went pale when he realized something. "Uhmm…" he started. "The camera was on all the time." Klutzy didn't get anything but he just pushed her out of the way and headed over to Picky. "Um, boss…" "Ohohooohoho! I'M GONNA TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME! NO ONE!" He sat in a swivel armchair, but Cam couldn't see him. "EY, LISTEN TO ME MOTHERKILLER!" Picky slowly turned around in his chair, he had a claw on his left stick a little grey kitten in his lap whom he patted. He looked really evil. "How dare u, u fukin prep!1111" Picky yelled sounding just like the Mary Sue Ebony from My Immortal. "HOW DARE U RUIN MY PLANS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" The tape recorder on his desk randomly started to play "Pinky and the Brain", but he pushed it off the desk so it broke into pieces. "Uh…are you telling me that a poem on pikmin TV will make you all-mighty?" Cam scratched his head. "Of course, mah boi!" Picky yelled. "Now get the fuck out!" he said as he turned back to his desk. Cam unconsciously fidgeted (lol) with his sticks! "Umm, the thing with that…" "What? What? Good lord, out with it!" Picky exclaimed taking a grip on the cat's tail and hitting the desk with the cat. Cam quickly came to his words. "THECAMERAHASBEENFILMINGTHEWH OLETIMEINCLUDINGYOUKILLINGEV ERYONE!" Then he ran out and outside there where sounds of cats meowing, dogs barking, cows mooing and cars hooting and bees moaning! What no…that didn't sound right…never mind! There where shitload of sounds from outside Picky's office!

"Well…heck let's just delete the scene. What's the big fuss about?" He mumbled and stood up, heading to the door. Picky felt like looking in the trash and bam bam bam there was Cam! "LOL. Baws, you see…" He blushed. "I'm not that good with cameras. In fact, I suck at it." Then he stood up and grabbed him by the invisible collar Picky wore. "I suck! SUCK IT!" Cam tried to run out the trash can but he just stumbled and the trash can fell over. All the garbage fell out. Picky's gaze stopped at a box and a drool waterfall formed as his eyes looked like this: "+w+" Picking it up, he took up the box and started eating. Cam ewwed in disgust, but Picky took it wrongly and held out the box. "You want…?" he asked hesitantly. "EWW, HEWL NAW!" Then he stumbled out of the trash can, ran but stumbled again, said a word that would give a nun a heart attack, and ran away as if he ran around naked and felt glee about it. Cam started to scream like a damn dog that had an orgasm. Picky shrugged, went off to the camera while continuing eating.

He was eating Olimar's leftovers which was raw spaghetti with fish eye balls sauce. muYYum.

Anyway, Klutzy was asleep AGAIN, Picky solved the problem and yaddayaddayadda addayaddayadday blah blah bloohoo.

*Record starting, camera falling down, Picky swearing but is censored because it's a camera, puts it at place again and starts pronouncing his matter*

Picky: HELLAW! My name is Picky and I will randomly just read this poem I wrote to hypnotize you into obeying me then you will dance the Chicken dance for me in my honor and sing "Fire Burning" over and over 'til your throat releases blood spurting onto your rug and…

*SILENCE*

Picky: Never mind. AHEEM. *clears throat*

Picky read with so much empathy that every eye would waste a tear even though it sucked bulborb buttcheeks. Picky finished and doubled himself in bow. His insane imagination caused him to see an illusional crowd that shouted his name. Picky sloppily hanged out his tongue at this and ran off. He came back in a huge, and I mean HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGH…NO…AHEM…HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE tractor. I over exaggerated but screw it the point is he came with it and it was bigger than two small bulborbs, as if it would matter trash.

Picky looked crazed and his tongue started to drool. "MOAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA H! RABADABBOOMSCHAKALACK!" Then he…effing crushed the entire house like Usama Bin Laden crushed the Twin Towers! Only sexier!

Before completely destroying the house he thought of the house as nothing more than a pavilion cuz he was over excited over the fact he had caused sabotage revolution!

"FASTER, GOTTA BUILD A BLASTER, PREPARE FOR A DISASTER…" he sang as he out of nowhere got a beer and he ate the whole can along with drinking the beer! Then he turned to the camera and yelled. "TUNE IN NEXT TIME!" Not that it would be any next time but it sounded cool saying that so he did so ok! DADOODLE CRAB!

Olimar sat and watched TV in his rocket that was landed on the pikmin planet and watched what Picky had broadcasted because I thought I told you, this story makes no sense! (unwrinkly brains! (Intelligent joke right there in your pheiz)).

Olimar shoot his head forward with his gloves on the armchairs and splurted out the Hocotatian brain juice all over the fucking flapping floor! "WHAT THE EFFING EFF! A CHANNEL HACKED INTO MY SYSTEM, WHAT THE SHIT!"

A LORÉAL commercial started playing but Olimar was pissed at the girl in it because she looked like a stupid hippo!

"LORÉAL, because I'm worth-"

"SHIT!111" Olimar filled in and threw an axe through the TV screen. Olimar called for Louie. "Servant! Bring me another one! ProntootnorP, bitch!" But he got no reply and turned around and glared at the exit door. He furiously left the room and found Louie reading Garfield comics while playing "Brother Louie" on max volume. Olimar almost exploded by the anger and he hated the song more than nothing, so he took Louie's stereo and stomped on it quickly like a guy who disliked his toupé! "Ey, man, what the fluck?! 5000 pokos down in the trash, thank you very much!" Olimar bitch slapped him and creepily talked. "I'm bored, LET'S JUST RANDOMLY GO OUT AND GATHER PIKMIN BECAUSE THIS FANFIC IS WEIRD AS*BEEP*!" "Holy shit, ok!" Louie answered and broke into the exit door like in an old action movie. "That's for destroying my stereo, half-brained dunce!" Louie ran off and laughed maniacally. Olimar twitched an eye-brow and ran out to catch that bastard that had been such an unloyal scumbag!

They went out and drank some Pepsi while throwing frying pans at every enemy that caught their attention. Louie was on his 16th bottle when Olimar spoke up. "Hey! Hey, you!" Louie looked at him. "Yeah, you!" Olimar pointed at him. "FUCK YOU!" Olimar took the bottle from Louie and waved with it. "You wont drink that." "Of course I will! It's my bottle, trashbags!" Louie tried to snatch it back, but failed. "Let me finish explaining, HOLY BULBORB!" Olimar went over to a red pikmin and shoved it into it's mouth so it would drink. The red pikmin immediately loved it and emptied the content until he began losing balance and fell down on the ground holding his belly. "Now watch and learn." Olimar ordered, taking up the pikmin and threw it at Louie. Louie was shocked! "HOLY POO-COVERED COW ASS! IT TURNED BLUE!" States Mr. Obvious faster than the speed of light. Olimar did a "you don't say" face like Nicholas Cage. "That's right, student! Fill every pikmin's belly with Pepsi until you and they die!" Olimar said running around and smashing every bulborb in sight with a frying pan, because he felt like it! Don't you just feel like doing things that means shit now and then? F-LOGIC STRIKING YOUR DEEK.

"Rogerrrrr….whut?" Louie was confused because he was very stupid. Just a level dumber than Olimar. He thought 'screw it' and made half of the pikmin drunk with Pepsi until he asked Olimar who didn't help because he was a freaking fatass. "Hey, Ollie…" Louie started, "Weren't your house destroyed?"

"Well duh! Why asking shit that isn't important! Give a Pepsi to the pikmin over there!"

"Yeah, butt- *blotting out script* Well, yes, but…yes."

"Mothermaltreater! WHAT IS IT?!" Olimar exclaimed.

"YOU'RE FAMILY WAS FAPPING KILLED! Don't you give vomit, you flying fly!?"

They sat there in such Intestine-sucking silence not even the bell crickets could be heard. Olimar stood up. "You know what…" Then suddenly Olimar plugged in a karaoke in a TV out of nowhere and sang. "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT BAD REPUTATI -" Then Louie rolled his eyes so hard his eyes almost literally fell out of their sockets and shoved the mic into Olimar's mouth making him gag, even though it's impossible because Olimar wears a helmet but he's Louie so he can do anything! Then Louie gave Pepsi to the rest of the pikmin and no more fuck was given that day…or was there? *Mr. Burns hand fidgeting* FUFUFUFUFUFUFU…

At the end of the day Louie really needed to take a piss so he ordered Olimar not to leave but Olimar didn't want to follow his orders because he was the captain but Louie persuaded him to anyway because he was a bloated eediot! "We're gonna leave, but first…" Louie got crazed look in his eyes and he shoke uncontrollably and pointed an index finger at Olimar and that almost scared the shit outta him, so Olimar most likely wouldn't dare to have the guts to sleep tonight! Louie gritted his teeth and looked pissed for no reason. "FIRST…" He shoke even more now like a psychopath. Olimar didn't dare to move an inch. "…I gotta take a whiz!" Louie all of a sudden looked normal and held out his hand as an explanation, but it still wasn't! He smiled crazily at Olimar and talked with a creepycreepycreepycreepyCREE PY-HEAUGH-creepy voice. Almost as creepy as Justin Bieber's complete collection of his songs. "Don't you go anywhere. You stay right here…" Louie pointed at the ground. "RIGHT ON THIS SPOT. I'LL BE BACK." (A/N: If you get the reference I swear shut up and take my money!)

While Louie walked down like a stupid pony he hummed on the My Little Pony intro and pointed the middle finger at every bulborb he happened to pass by. Then he frowned. "Why would we need a bunch of blue pikmin anyway?" He found a perfect spot just in front of an insect nest so it wasn't so good but to him it was and if you don't think so HOW DARE U NOT AGREE WITH LOUIE! *pulls out a gun* Anyway, he pulled down his zipper and took it out to piss. He had a stupid relaxed face halfway through until he heard the noise of engines starting to take off! "What the smoke?" He ran the way back to the rocket and he was both furious and panicked when he saw that the Dolphin was above the ground and was about um…*takes out measure thingamajingiemajig* 2 metres above the ground. How I could measure is because I can stop time because I got some magic in me! (geddit cuz I'm goffik)

"SON OF A BI-" Louie ran silly, the spacesuit necessarily needed to have so much weight. CURSE THE DESIGNERS!11 Then he stood there like a dog begging for food while he watched the rocket fly away like "screw you!" Louie started to jump up and down in anger! "F #*% SH %! Stupid motherf*%¤#! Stop censoring me you b%#¤! I'm gonna make sure to b#% the cr # outta you when I break the f#*rth wall!" Then Louie broke the fourth wall and chased me the rest of the day until I somehow succeeded to flush him down the toilet and he came back to the pikmin world! That day I found out the toilet is a secret passway! TODAY I LEARNT WISDOM, like a sir! Well, I'm not a sir but screw it, I'm gonna walk off to find where Justin Bieber lives and destroy his home because I feel like it! I went to a trash can and smashed it to bits. *kicks it and destroys it with a chainsaw*There, did it.

"LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" Olimar said steering the rocket.

Olimar played "FRIDAY" by Rebecca Black the whole way home to Canada! … "…" … "…" … "Really?" Olimar asked. "No you dumbass! Back to Chocolate Freight, of course!" The author (me) yelled. "Don't you mean Hocotate?" "Chocolate is the codename, nimcompoop!" "Why would you need that?" Olimar asked his brain finally working. "Because I said so!"

He gets home and jhsdfhksjdfkljkldghdjkxjk. Then the cutscene plays where the president finds out Olimar lost Louie when Olimar actually had left him for fun. "Where's Louie? What? You lost him?" The fatass asked even though Olimar hadn't said anything! (Legend of Zelda logic). "In that case…I shall go!" But he didn't speak English instead he spoke a silly Hocotatian language that sounded like a fat guy with duct tape over his mouth.

*end of cutscene and the one afterwards that I witnessed*

Olimar: …

President: …

Olimar: …

President: …well…

Olimar (Stan voice): You follow me, fatass!

President (Cartman voice): …ok…

*end of cutscene*

The President and Olimar arrives at the pikmin planet and Olimar was seriously pissed. He didn't want to go back and get Louie because he…just didn't want to! The President was a stubborn bitch so he had to obey him or else he would be forced to watch Twilight with him because it was the worst kind of torture of the XX century just right before the head crusher during Medieval. The President's belly bounced up and down as he ran on the pikmin planet surface. "Ohohohohoho! Little pikmin! Come out! Obey me!" All of a sudden there were lightnings and storms behind the President's back as his laughter matched an EVUL genius's. Olimar was sick of the fatass so he went over and threatened him. "Hey, you! Yeah you! I said you!" Olimar pointed at the President that seemed to be stupider than both Louie and Olimar together…and them both together formed an airbag. It took the President exactly 5 minutes before he caught up. "I'm more experienced with pikmin than u! If you dare even disobey me the slightest I'll just clap my hands and the pikmin will cut up your fucking throat and pull your intestines out from it's wound and I'll slurp it like spaghetti! Have I made myself clear? If I haven't, then f**k you!"

Olimar whispered through the fourth wall to me. "Hey, Amie, why do you sometimes censor the swearing and sometimes not?" "Because that's how I roll." "I don't get it." "Then don't, you f*cking piece of shit!"

Olimar suddenly had a military spacesuit and lined up the pikmin who were only blue because Louie had given them Pepsi the other day. "Listen up, you little shrimps!" Olimar walked back and forth while he talked. "Today is a big day! Or actually it isn't because the fact Louie's missing is no biggie to me…anyway! You're gonna give it your fullest to the point you give yourself to the enemies! In clean English, protect me with your life!" Blank stares received.

"You're gonna go out there!"

Blank stares received.

"And fight!"

Blank stares received.

"And defend everything that is ours!"

Blank stares received.

"So work enough to satisfy this fatass *mumble* the excuse for a president *mumble*"

Stares received blank.

"So go look for him all over the planet, and don't disappoint me or die!"

Blank received stares.

"I said DIE! Count on it!"

Received stares blank.

"And don't you dare sleep on me…"

Stares blank received.

Olimar turned towards the sky where I should be. "Shut up!"

I snickered. Olimar furiously turned back to the pikmin.

"Ok all together now!" He swinged his arms. "Swing your arms, from side to side…" Olimar sang. "LET'S DO THE MARIO ALL TOGETHER NOW! Take one step…" The pikmin laughed at how stupid he looked, now showing expressions because Olimar's dance was magical and brought laughter in everyone's hearts. The president's belly bounced as he laughed like a maniac. Olimar glared at everyone and looked around. "Stop it! STOP IT!" He out of nowhere got a bazooka and shot in the sky's direction while talking in a megaphone. "STOP IT, YOU BUTTS! IF U DON'T STFU NOW I'LL MAKE SURE TO STICK MY HAND UP YOUR F(BEEP)ING A(BEEP) AND (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) UNTIL YOU(BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) AND THEN (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) SO YOU (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR(BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP) (BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP)(BEEP) SO YOU HAVE TO (BEEP) BACKWARDS!111"

Everyone shut up. From near, you could see Picky, that had magically come back to the pikmin planet, urinate because he was a pussy. Cam giggled and Klutzy ate some rests from a raw dead bulborb. "Holy rattlesnakes. Where did my innocence go?" Picky had a monologue with himself. Cam sighed irritably. "You have already lost it." Cam reached for the new camera but Picky took it before him. "What do you think you're doing? If you touch it it'll break! You know the 'curse' from burying in a trash can!" "Pishaw. You believe in that bullpoop?" Then he touched the lens and the camera broke into millions of pieces. Picky's fur got ruffled and he salivated like a dog with rabies. Cam sweated. "I…I gotta go…" "OH NO YOU DON'T!" Then Picky chased Cam from the line into a cave, and Klutzy felt scared of being alone without them so she tried to run while holding the rests of the bulborb and ate while she ran. Olimar didn't care to take a note.

"HEAUGH! YEEEEEEAGH!" Olimar screamed because he had seen generals doing that on TV. The pikmin didn't do anything. Olimar glared. "You little shits…"

Olimar just gathered everyone and started heading to save Louie. The Prez followed suit on a skateboard (:3) And had a cap swung back. "Olimar…" The President started off. "Yo!" "How could you just lose him like that? Wouldn't you have noticed if he wasn't onboard?" (A/N: That's a question to be said 4 real, honestly). "I did!" "Then what?" "Well…" Olimar started to sweat. 'If he finds out about my deed he will kick my ass then strangle me then kick my ass again then beat my dead corpse then kick my ass again then fire me for good then kick my ass again! That can't happen! I gotta make something up. Of course I gotta! Of course! I'm too smart for this shitty fanfic!' 'I heard that!' I yelled. 'Whatever.' Olimar's inner self said taking a sip on his inner soda.

"Louie had a clone!" "A clone?" "Yeh! Then I found out it wasn't him so I mutilated him, ate his organs for dinner and threw him out! And…that's my story." The President squinted his eyes at Olimar but shrugged. "Ok." Olimar's eyes widened to the size of balloons! 'Wow! It was that effing simple? Ohohohohohooo He's so retarded lolololol!'

(A/N: To beware you, Olimar is supposed to be a subliminal-...wait, scratch that, just a cannibal, but just for the lawls :D)

"Why do you care about him so much that you want him to be saved?" The plump fat creature Olimar asked. 'Hey, that was uncalled for! Damn you!' The prezzy prez replied. "You thought I cared about that son? LOL no. He owe me 50 pokos." "For what?" "For…THAT SHOULDN'T BE SAID IN A CHILD FANFIC!" Olimar twitched at this and corrected the so wrong statement. "This isn't a fanfic for children…DUMBSHIT."

"Oh."

"Then what did he want for those pokos?"

"Yo man, fuk u! Remember he's young and stupid!" Olimar got slightly confused. "What in the hey are you going on about?"

"HE WAS GOING TO BUY A TATTOO!"

"And…what about it?" Olimar was growing impatient.

"It's not IT. It's…WHAT it is." The Prez whispered.

"THEN WHAT!" Olimar screamed at him.

The President didn't see the point in whispering because the readers would in that case see in this text what it was so he wrote on a notepad and handed it over to Olimar. "HOLY FEATHERS! FO REALZ?" "Yeh." "Awesomeness. He totally got my respect now. And I thought he was a prep." Olimar hugged the notepad which was creepy. "A…prep?" Olimar rolled his eyes. "No, nothing. You're too old to get it…fatass." The Prez looked at him seriously. "I don't think so." "Whuh?" Olimar asked. Then all of a sudden the Prez walked behind some curtains that randomly appeared and came back out of them confetti falling down, as "Can't touch this" played. He wore rap clothes with a golden necklace with a "P" 'round the neck. Olimar gaped. Prez went over to him. "My mind on my money and my money on my mind." Prez said in a cool way. (A/N: Think about it, Prez doesn't really care about the pikmin, he mostly wants pokos. :3 What a fatass). Then Olimar gagged and vomited in his helmet. "The crap! It will give me nightmares, you silly nitwit! And you ruined my spacesuit!" Then Olimar, the sensitive wuss ass sass, ran off with his gang of pikmin. 'What did you say?' Olimar stared like Gollum from Lord of The Rings at me. Prez sulkily ran after, stumbled and said the worst word ever being said in a mouth, and ran up again catching up with Olimar. "We should take example from the relationship of Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle!" "No, we shouldn't! PISS OFF!" Olimar and his faithful pikmin ran again and the Prez ran after.

Louie was being carried by the stupid spider and he couldn't jump off because…just because! You know pikmin logic, right? *leans closer to you* Right? *leans closer* Right? *falls* Fuck.

Louie got sick of following this game's logic so he took a knife and cut off the legs of the spider.

He watched it die then he jumped off the spider. Louie talked, with a Kyle voice (since Ollie and the Prez spoke in Stan and Cartman voices) "LOL, you got fawking hawking pawned loololololoololOLOOLOLOLLLLL LLLLLL!" Then he saw a little silly blue pikmin running from a yellow one that salivated violently and ran on all 4's like a dawg. A fat bitch purple pikmin ran after but she had such a bad condition so she sweated bullets. Louie got a crazed look in his eyes. "I shall take this as my advantage! Ohohoho!"

Then Louie somehow wore Ash Ketchum clothes and ran after the pikmin. They abruptly stopped running. "Who in the hey is that?" Cam asked and backed off, Picky doing the same. Klutzy wasn't prepared for this so she stumbled and bumped into Louie. Said asshole turned around and eyed the purple pikmin. He smiled evilly. Klutzy was really scared now, and was trembling as she tried to back off on the ground. Louie threw a pikéball in her direction but Cam ran in slowmotion. "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO…" He screamed. Then he jumped ugly in front of Louie so the pikéball would hit him. It did. Louie held up the pikéball in the air. "YOU CAUGHT A BLUE PIKMIN!" A random voice said. Klutzy cried while Picky tried to help her up so they could run for their lives. She didn't stop crying so Picky bitch slapped her, then held her cheeks. "Look, he willingly sacrificed his life for you! The only thing you can do is make the best of it! Now come on, let's go!" They ran off but Louie didn't care. "PIKÉMON, GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!" Louie sang as he ran further into the cavern. There he met another, smaller spider! "Crud! Guess I gotta use my pikémon! GO, BLUE PIKMIN!" Cam came out. He shot a glance at Louie before implying. "I got a name! And it's Cam, keep that in your thick skull!" Then he jumped close passing Louie's side and ran off. Louie felt something had been stolen and exclaimed. "That little son of a bitch stole my money! My 50 pokos I was going to give to the President! Damn fish! DAMN FISH!" Louie was retarded so he thought the spider had laughed at him. "WHAT THE TOMATO ARE YOU LAUGHING AT!"

SPIDER USED STARE!

NOTHING HAPPENED!

LOUIE USED PIKÉBALL THROW LIKE A BOSS!

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

SPIDER FAINTED!

LOUIE WON THE BATTLE!

LOUIE GAINED 4376325478448716781363784617 389718972893778923 EXP!

Louie spat on the ground beside it. "Serves you right, you tingtangwallawilladingdongtr adodetti!" He was so mad he couldn't come up with a better insult at the moment. Louie had repeatedly thrown pikéballs at it and it couldn't handle it all so it died! Well, what did you expect, I couldn't say "die" in a pikémon battle, smartypants! So there. (Jeez).

Louie sat down on a rock and thought depressive thoughts. Then he cried like a baby. "Why? WHY MUST EVERYTHING GO SHIT FOR ME?! I DON'T DESERVE IT, I'M TOO HANDSOME! I DESERVE BETTER! WAAAAAH!" He covered his eyes while tears spurted out of his eyes like a badass sprinkler. Suddenly he wore emo clothes; he wore a black shirt with a white skull on it, he wore black pants and black gloves and wore black eyeliner and his hair was dyed black, black-da-fucking-blackety-black…

Wiping his tears away after countless minutes of crying he spotted a white huge flower. A light bulb appeared above Louie's head. "Oh yes! Why shouldn't I? I shall become a pikmin! Their minds are like hollow pits of a wolf and this grief will replace itself with emptiness! I'm so smart!"

But then he reminded himself of one of Shakespeare's most famous lines.

'If I got to choose between emptiness and grief, I would rather take grief.' Or something like that, but might be messed up in memory…

"Hump Shakespeare! I got madness!" Then Louie jumped the cannonball into the flower and it enveloped it's…uh…petally flowerness around him.

"Son of a bulborb bastard! It's like searching for one single pikmin on the whole planet surface!" (A/N: Believe me, that's a pain in the ass.) Olimar yelled as he and Prez kept striding (Olimar's helmet was clean now moreover). "Well…" Prez started, "It's not his fault, you left him here…" "Nothing is my fault! EVERY-F***ING-THING is Louie's fault! Why must he exist?! He's just a hemorrhoid!" Olimar crouched down on the ground and banged his fists on it. Then he spotted two pikmin individuals, a yellow one and a purple one, running out from a hole in the ground! Olimar's anger rose. "Hey you! What did I tell you about dissing the group like that?! Get your asses back here!"

Picky's ears erected by his scolding. "Oh shit!" He ran off to hide behind a rock, Klutzy following suit. Olimar was going to run there after them but he was very stupid so he just went to the hole instead. "Hey! Let's check this baby out!" The "DORA THE EXPLORER" theme song started playing. Prez covered his ears. "TURNTHATFUCKINGSHITOFFHOLYCR APHOLYHORSEPOTATOES!"

Olimar was dumb so he didn't care about the music, instead he jumped down the hole. "GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOO….shit." He realized there where about 50 feet deep so he fell down and looked like a duck. "SSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT TTTTTT!" He crashed and a big hole of his fall was formed in the ground underground. He stuck his head up and looked around. "I survived! Holy cannonballs I survived!" But he should've shut his trap when Prez's big ass blocked his sight and landed on him. Olimar couldn't handle the pressure so he choked underneath. Prez yelled! "HOLY CHICKEN CORN! Olimar died! Noooooo!" Prez cried deeply. But it turned out Olimar hadn't died when he screamed. "Alright, fine! I'm alive! Now get your big fat bottom off me!" He slid of Olimar and Olimar dusted himself off before walking deeper into the cavern. Prez was greatly confused and scratched his head, then followed suit his employee. The pikmin that had jumped down too followed them.

They walked in silence before encountering a big white flower. Olimar squeaked like a little girl. "PIG YEAH! We can get some white pikmin by throwing some pikmin into this flower!" "But…but the flower is…shut." Prez confirmed. Olimar rolled his eyes. "No shit, Sherlock." Olimar walked over to it. "We'll just have to open it with our bare hands is all." It wasn't hard. It had just been enough to point at it and it busted open. Inside, Louie was sitting in emo clothes…and he was slitting his wrists!

"Wha…there you are, asshole! I thought you had died!...which could've been kind of relieving…" Olimar mouthed off.

Louie twitched and stared and passed his sight between Olimar and the President. " u fukin preppz!112 cnt u c im tryin 2 slit muh rists ere!" (ECNEREFER!)

"As we care! Where have you been this whole time?!" Olimar grabbed Louie by the arm but he backed off. "You asshole! You left me here and that made me feel like shit so I got captured by a spider and I cut off his legs because following this game's logic is a pain in the butt then I caught a blue pikémon and that little son of a bitch stole my 50 pokos I was going to pay back to the fatass behind you and it escaped then I became emo and jumped into this flower to become a pikmin so I could start over!" Olimar got caught off guard and only heard the last line. "So…you think becoming a white little pikmin will make your life better? Man, not cool. White pikmin are weaklings."

Louie twitched at that.

His head slowly took a turn so his head was facing the opposite way and he told in such a tone as if he had been given the worst insult ever in history.

"You think white pikmin are weak…?" He stood up and grabbed Olimar by the collar, sounding creepily calm. "YOU THINK PALEASS PIKMIN ARE LITTLE PUSSIES?!" Olimar's eyes widened.

"How-how dare you…!" Louie yelled. "THE WHITE PIKMIN ARE THE MOST BADASSEST PIKMIN EVER! THEY ARE SO CUTE THEY CAN FIND TREASURES WHICH NO OTHER PIKMIN CAN FIND AND THEY CAN HANDLE POISON AND MAKE ENEMIES DIE BY BEING EATEN UP AND YOU DARE TO CALL…CALL THEM jhfjgehwuirfgwejbeuiwjdqpoiw epofjkhuierhfikhxsbcx!" (A/N: Only my siblings will probably get this joke, because my brother often pretended that Louie's favorite pikmin was the white one. Yeh, inside joke, deal with it. :3)

"Holy onion! I take it back! HELL I TAKE IT BACK!" Olimar said trembling. He learned that he should never even MENTION the lack of white pikmin's abilities to Louie. He's more dangerous than Chuck Norris in such a state!

"And this is not even my final form!" Louie exclaimed. Olimar and Prez got confused.

Louie tried to transform.

Nothing happened.

Tried again.

Nothing happened.

Tried.

Nothing.

Try.

Nothing.

Tr-"Alright fuck this!" Olimar yelled throwing away their papers with lines. "What the fuck what fucking kind of fucking fanfic is this?! Fuck it doesn't even make fucking sense, motherfucker! If I fucking get another fucking piece of this fucking fu-"

*STAND BY*

AUTHOR'S NOTE ALERT! AUTHOR'S NOTE ALERT! READ THIS…or you probably won't read it anyway…ok if that's the case…

SEX! YAOI! PENIS! LEMON! YURI! JIZZ! DILDO! There, I got your attention!

Due to the evil and good in me argues about the constant swearing, I decided to make some changes. I made a deal with them; I promised my good side that I would replace the f-word with another nicer word, but I promised the evil side I would use this word a LOT.

"Fuck" will be replaced with "Fish". Ready?

Ok, here we go!

*END OF AUTHOR'S NOTE*

. "What the fish what fishing kind of fishing fanfic is this?! Fish it doesn't even make fishing sense, motherfisher! If I fishing get another fishing piece of this fishing fish, I…! I…"

There was a silence.

"…"

Quieter than eating in the dining room.

"…"

Quieter than hiding from a psychopath.

"…"

Quieter than… 'BE QUIET!' someone yelled. Oh yeah, that too…

They decided to leave the pointless conversation there and headed to their rocket. They didn't say anything on the way home, which was a longer than a 100 bananas. However it was so quiet it was almost as if they were all dead. Louie simply couldn't STAND this silence any longer, that he was so stupid to even say something risking his innocence as a faithful employee.

"OK FINE! I ATE ALL THE PIKPIK CARROTS!" Prez's face was scarier than Justin Bieber's face alone. "What did you say?" He leant towards Louie who felt forced to jerk back from Prez's smelly breath. Olimar was also shocked, but in a different way. "DAMMIT LOUIE! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT AND THAT I ATE UP THE ONLY GUY WHO KNEW ABOUT THIS!" Olimar exclaimed because he was so stupid when in fact Louie hadn't said anything about that. Prez turned to Olimar and yelled until the saliva spurted out of his mouth and he looked a lot like Adolf Hitler. "YOU COOPERATED?!" Louie was stupid so he blurted out. "Yeah, and he still has the leftovers of the victim…" "Louie, SHUT…UP!" Olimar made a long pause in the middle. "You should shut up when you also spared the carrots but refused to share with me!" "Yeah, but…!" Prez turned to Olimar. "WAIT THERE JUST A GOLLDARN MINUTE! You knew about this before I did?!" Olimar covered his mouth. "Whoops! Was…was not supposed to say that…" "You scumbag!" Louie shouted angrily.

Louie's cleverness failed him again. "It was like this; I ate the pikpik carrots and I felt panicked of what I had done, and my comrade (yes he had a comrade in my world so stick to that!) saw this, and wanted to blackmail me but luckily I strangled him. So, I called Olimar, he flew over here in a shuttle and asked what was going on. I told him and he asked if he could eat the victim and I was like "BE MY GUEST, FATTY!" He ate the asshole (the person, not the "hole" yuck! D:) and he wanted to eat the pikpik carrots too but I refused to share, he got mad and said he would tell you but I blackmailed him saying that I would tell you that he ate the victim, so there."

"Louie! You-" Olimar began, but Prez cut him off. "You bloody traitors! I put all my faith in you and you crushed it!" He paused and faced them off. "When we get home, I'll make sure to…" While he talked, Olimar did hand signals to Louie that he should go get some pikmin. Louie winked and went to fetch some. "…give you penalty for your deed! Maybe 20 years in prison, or better up…lifetime!" Olimar tried to distract him telling him how sorry he was while Louie was collecting pikmin. "We're sooooooo sorry, president." He played with the weight on his feet. "Is there anything we can do?" He pouted. "No! Because I've tried to treat you like valuable employees but you care less about me! I'm gonna…" Louie came back with the pikmin. Olimar held up a stop sign with his hand at Louie, then he pointed at Prez and Louie started to throw. The pikmin were attacking Prez. He got panicked. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP! STOP, DAMMIT! DON'T KILL ME, I'LL GO EASY ON YOU, I…!" He got no chance to say anymore before he died. Olimar ran up and started to munch on the Prez, which is impossible because the helmet is in the way but he could anyway, cause I, like, like to troll! The pikmin also ate on him. Louie waited for them to stop eating so they could bury him on the planet. Olimar thought it tasted good because the Prez was really fat, and he had wanted to eat him for so long. Though he had controlled himself otherwise he would get fired! But he didn't now. Louie rolled his eyes.

Olimar dragged the rests of the Prez while Louie was carrying a shovel. Louie thought they went slow so he smashed the shovel in the ground. "You fat butt! HURRY!" "I'm at it!" "Dumbass." "You're dumber…" "Am not!" "Are to!" "Am not!" "Are to!"

Then they heard cheering, whistling and clapping. They turned their heads toward the noises and found a yellow and purple pikmin on a jury table both holding signs. They said "10". Louie gaped. "COOL!" Olimar slapped him. "There's nothing cool about shit!"

Cam, that wore a cap, came running to the table, stood up beside his comrades and held up a sign 2, which said 10 (stated me, miss Obvious). Picky glared at Cam. "Where the eggs have you been? You're harder to find than cheese on spray bottle!" "Just been up to something…" Cam replied. "Whatever", he muttered. "Just don't do that again or else I'll kick you so hard that you have to unbutton your pants to even be able to read." (Another tougher reference! :3) "Read what?" Cam asked, confused. Picky looked mysterious and said seriously. "My Immortal". Cam sounded like Darth Wader from Star Wars. "NNNnnnOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOuuu!" The camera was pinning from above Cam and spun around as it zoomed out. Klutzy just sat there, giggling.

Louie's eyes alerted and he shakily pointed a finger at him. Which finger? Doesn't matter…. :3

"YOU…Give me my 50 pokos back, you little fisher!" Cam stood up on the table and looked like Superman. "NEVER! FISH YOU!" 'Never Say Never' by Justin Bieber randomly started to play. Cam took out a gun from his back and pointed it everywhere scanning the area where the girl was. "KLLI EETH!" Picky knocked him out cold. "PEACE!" He muttered. Cam had a, like, huge bump located on his head, his eyes twirled anime-style and his sticks twitched swiftly.

Picky brought his attention to the two gaping Hocotatian-tooty-dorkraggala-fjhrsduvheijvdajdkakj screw this they were gaping like empty shoes by night. "There is nothing to see here! Now go! GO, you idiots!" Picky blurted glaring at them.

(A/N: I didn't quite notice it until now, but Picky is VERY similar to Ren in The Ren & Stimpy Show lol. XD So I decided to make Picky speak in his accent too just for the trolling lawls. BETCHES. *takes a remote to go backwards in script* There, let's do this again.)

Picky brought his attention to the two gaping Hocotatian-tooty-dorkraggala-fjhrsduvheijvdajdkakj screw this they were gaping like empty shoes by night. "There ees nothing to see here! Now go! GO, you eediots!" Picky blurted glaring at them.

Confused about the sudden accent, Olimar and Louie ran off. Klutzy thought he sounded funny so she grinned at him. Picky crossed his sticks in front of his chest and stared angrily at her. "Vat? Vat are you greening at?"

There suddenly were lightning and bolts surroundning the once-peaceful area so it would fit the mood they were currently in. They approached a graveyardly-looking-alike-place-shit-omni-thingie and Louie started to dig. Olimar sat there on his back full off ass and watched. Louie turned around and shot him a glare. "Why aren't you helping me, you stupid prick!" Olimar said something smart for once. "Because we only got one shovel." Was the epic comeback. "Oh." Louie said shortly, and was stupid because he couldn't think of the fact they could switch turns. Olimar changed subject like a cow (because in my world they do).

"What's the matter with you?"

"I did a bad thing."

"Does it affect me?"

"No."

"Then I hope you suffer in silence." (A/N: If you get the reference then get your ass over here so I can hug you! X3)

Louie's face boiled. "You've always been a fish head to me anyway." Was the retort before taking another shovel mud and throwing it behind him.

They went back to their rocket and took a nap. All of a sudden Olimar's mobile rang while he slept. He picked it up and answered with anger. "WHAT THE FISH DO YOU WANT…" "Olimar, you jerk! Get your fat ass back here in Hocotate NOW!" Olimar's eyes widened and his mouth gaped like a bulborb that just found out how babies are made. "WTH, you're still alive, woman!" His wife sounded like she had PMS or something. "That's right! We barely survived but we did now we want your ass back here and help us!"

"What, you want my ass to help you?"

"No, you dumbshit! We want YOU here to help us out! Your daughter is terribly wounded!"

Olimar rolled his eyes nonchalantly. "FISH YOU." He shortly stated before hanging up. Louie stuck his head out of his room, his eyes carrying bags under them and his hair in a ruffle. "Who was that?" He yawned and rubbed his eyes. "Damn sleeping pills…" was the following murmur.

Olimar threw the telephone on the floor and it smashed into thousands of pieces. There were more of them than bronies! (A/N: Don't feel offended, I'm a brony myself ;D) Louie's eyes shot open in shock. "What the fish did you do that for?!" Louie screamed panic-strucken, his hands cupping his head making him look like an asylum patient that just got out!

Olimar calmly eyed Louie. "You don't want to go back there, do you?" Louie was shocked by the sudden question but eventually shook his head slowly. "I don't think so…people may know about my- scratch that, our crime." "I'm sorry, but how is that even possible? I'm the only one knowing about it." Louie blushed and looked down. "I…I don't know. I'm guess I'm just too paranoid." He stuttered. "You better be." Olimar said irritably ignoring Louie's behavior that he had gotten faster than the fastest thing alive. Sonic suddenly bursted into the scene. "But that's impossible! I'm the fastest thing ali-" "SHUT UP! You're no part of this fanfic, get the for holy duck's sake out!" I yelled at him. Sonic glared at me before leaving the scene behind him in a blue blur.

Olimar shook his head in deep thought, before saying, more to himself than to Louie. "I broke the phone. So now no one can contact our asses." Olimar tilted his head up and looked at an invisible spot on the ceiling. "How about we stay here? Neither of us want to go back, and if we didn't leave red-handed with the President they would suspect us for murder." Louie nodded his head, but it was not like Olimar would see it. "Yeah…I would rather die free here than get thrown in prison." "Me 2, mah friend, me 2." Olimar said and turned on the radio. He took up something from a box and handed over a joint to Louie. Louie shook his head determined. "No, thanks. I don't smoke. You shouldn't either. It's not good for your health resulting you being diseased with pneumonia if you keep on with the habit." Olimar wasn't all too happy about Louie's smartass mouth-off. "Pussy." Olimar said quietly, very embarrassed. "Besides, I never said I smoked. Just thought you were a dumb youngster wanting one." This statement followed him throwing out the box with joints. It landed on a red pikmin and it died. It's ghost flew up by the window and gave them the middle finger but they didn't see it.

Louie and Olimar, our beloved heroes, didn't survive long for their rocket and space suits ran out of air so they suffocated to death. No one heard from them since then. Though it wasn't as if anyone cared. Olimar's wife became a psychopathic maniac and scared the crap out of their children. After threatening them with a knife she was thrown into an asylum, and is still being managed. The children moved in with their aunt until their mom is turned out well again.

And maybe you wonder how it turned out with our main pikmin; Picky, Cam and Klutzy? They are still alive and they feel well. They promised one another they would stay together until death tore them apart. They felt safe when being together. All of them turned one. Picky, Cam, Klutzy…

And 100 pikmin babies.

"Feesh thees! Why are your babiees my business?!" Picky screamed holding a red and blue pikmin in his embrace. They both cried as if they had a knife stuck through their flesh.

Cam had bags underneath his eyes and was preparing warm milk. He absently put on a rubber thingamajig on the bottle (ok, screw this! I don't know the name on it so flame my butt for my English if you want! Dummies!) Cam handed the bottle to Picky who angrily snatched the bottle from him and brought the tip up to one of the pikmin's mouths and fed it. The other baby pikmin instantly started to cry and Picky gave it a hideous face. "I can't take thees any more! Cam, you styoopid eediot! Why did you have to have sex weeth Klutzy?! About 70 times too!" Cam's eyes went wide and stayed locked at Picky as if he had transformed into a frog right in front of him. "This fanfic is T rated! Watch your tongue!" Picky retorted back quickly…quickly? "I geeve sheet about thees styoopid fanfeec! I just wanna get outta thees styoopid bloody mess so I can go home and take a wheez!" Cam twitched at that, but then he puffed up his cheeks to prevent a laughter. Barely keeping himself from laughing he did, with some effort, ask the question. "Is that all you want to do? Go pee?" Picky looked up at Cam, confused. "Yeh, vat is wrong weeth eet? Everyone needs to fulfeell their needs now and then, eesn't that correct? You preek."

"He's right." Klutzy came out with a little baby pikmin in her hold. "Everyone needs to fulfill their needs, everyone do." Cam looked at her lovingly. She sounded so cute being a bit nitwitted, stating the obvious. "Of course, honey." Klutzy smiled warmly back. Picky tried to ignore them, feeling slightly uncomfortable. "Ok, stop with yer lovey-dovey-tête-a-tête-sheet! Get a room would at least make me less worrieed about what's going on eenside yer small heads!" They paid no attention to him, instead they took each other's sticks and left the room. Picky had a disgusted face. "They left me weeth thees sheet! Bloated eediots!" About 50 babies were crying, 21 babies were wobbling on the floor confused, 2 were being fed by Picky, 7 babies were fighting, 19 babies had their diapers filled with poopies and one baby pikmin had accidently encountered a porn tape. Picky was so angry his blood boiled and his face was redder than a tomato. "While they have good times I'm stuck here weeth their seelly babiees!" He ran up to the kid watching porn by the TV, took a grip on it's diaper and threw it in the cradle. It started to cry. He wobbled the cradle quickly and sang stressfully. "Rock-a-by-babiee, I'm so angry, and thees crap sucks, I wish I could go home and wheez but no I'm stuck weeth you little beetchez ~ !" The baby had faint-worthy fallen asleep and Picky went to fix with the other babies. He was so stressed that he changed diapers with two babies at a time. The worst part: Both were boys. So when he opened the diapers up he felt something warm and wet on his cheek. He covered it. "You coovered my cheek with yer whiz, damn ya!" It just giggled and then he felt the same kind of substance on the other cheek. He frowned. "That's eet!" He shakily pointed an index finger at the babies. Their big puppy dog eyes looked confused. "Da?" "Yes, da!" Picky screamed. "As een 'da-faq ya doing!'" He put his sticks on each side of the babies. He spat while he yelled. "You just seet there on yer sorry baby butts and go sadeesteec on me, just because yer parents aren't present! Yer gonna regret eet, count on that!" His insane eyes stared at them, but they just laughed like babies do. "Go ahead, laugh! Laugh! Eet won't last long anyway!" The insanity had arrived in his brain and had a monologue with himself. 'Little peegs. They don't know trash. Maybe they are planneeng thees! Oh, yes, could be eet!' He looked at them from the corner of his eye and smiled creepily. 'They do thees to make me look styoopid. Ohohhohohoho! But they won't accompleesh! I gotta stay calm. 1…2…3…breath! That's right. Good boy…heh heh.'

Then the babies had gone without him noticing it, and he stood there with a stupid look on his face. "What the? Where deed they go?!" He ran into the living room and had to hit himself to stay calm when he saw what had happened. With a slap mark on his face he stared around him. The whole living room was 'coovered' in flour. Every baby bathed in it as if it were water and two girl baby pikmin fought about a bulborb plushie. Other babies had splurted ketchup all over the floor making it look like this: filwjflijeslsfhefhkshiwejf. Picky's veins were visible as it was shown in the rhythm of his heartbeat. He clenched his teeth harshly and started to sweat. He opened his mouth widely.

"FFFFF**********KKK!" I broke the fourth wall and slapped him, making him have two slap marks on each of his cheeks. "I said no swearing! Didn't you have that clear for you?" "Of course I had! But I can't STAND thees! The leettle poopiee rear monkees are getting on my nerves!" He paused to calm down before yelling at me. "Can't you do something about thees?! You're the author please help me! Can't you write about the mess randomly vaneeshing?!" "No. Sorry, Re- I mean Picky. I'm a sadistic bastard so you just have to make the best of it. Furthermore, no more f-word swearing, or else I will kick you out." There I closed the fourth wall. Picky stared at the mess before falling down on the floor and screaming, covering his ears. He screamed ordinary words since he couldn't curse. "CAPEETALEESM! COMMUNEESM! POLEETEECAL CHAMBERS!"

**The End**

* * *

**Amie: Ohhh it was so much fun writing this!**

**Aylee: I think you had too many references.**

**Amie: So what? It makes it funnier!**

**Aylee: *eye roll* Please review, folks!**


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